


Memories

by rudbeckia



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Community: Kylux Cantina, Fake Relationship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Memory Loss, theme: memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 17:17:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: A collection of short ficlets on the theme of memory. Prompts:1. "I have this nagging feeling that I must have forgotten something."Hux is on his way to see Supreme Leader Snoke. He has four important things to bring up but he can only remember three of them.2. Memory triggered by smellKylo is cooking something and the smell takes Hux back to a memory of his parents.3. "Really? That's not how I remember it."Hux gives his wedding speech. Ren disagrees.4. Embarrassing memoryHux wakes up the morning after the wedding. It’s not good.5. Force users are like DUNE’s Bene Gesserit; they can access the memories of all Force users in their line. The most powerful remember what might have been and what might be. Ren remembers Hux many different ways.Ren sees what his relationship with Hux might have been like had things gone differently for them.6. we forgive as we forgetBen Solo visits his old companion. Today he is forgiven.





	1. That nagging feeling

Hux paced the limited space in the shuttle. The Supremacy loomed ahead already, far too soon, and the face to face meeting with Leader Snoke promised to go painfully. He felt unready, like there was some vital piece of him missing. At least, Hux thought, there’s a glimmer of good news to lighten the blows: Ren was healing well despite the delay in getting him bacta. He would have to present the good news first, and quickly, before Snoke crushed him to the floor. 

“Transmit codes,” snapped Hux as the shuttle pilot was already reaching for the comm panel. “And begin docking procedure. No delays, the Supreme Leader mustn’t be kept waiting.”

Hux ignored the smart _yessir_ from the officer up front and resumed his pacing. He ticked off the items that would cost him on his fingers.  
One. Numbers lost to guerrilla attacks by foolish members of supposedly cowed populations—recruited by rebels with false promises and misplaced hope—not as many as last time but still like grit under his heels.  
Two. Additional stormtrooper requirements—slightly older recruits at Phasma’s suggestion—phrased carefully so that it appeared to be his own modification to his father’s programme and not an admission of any imperfection.

There was something else and it irked Hux that he could not bring it to mind. He clenched his fists and frowned at the walls, pushing aside the wish that he had picked up his datapad with his notes on it, left behind in his haste to get to the shuttle.  
“Docking tractor engaged, General. We’ll have you there directly.”  
“Thank you, lieutenant.”

Ah yes. Hux remembered as he marched into the turbolift and used his biometric scan to access Snoke’s throne room. Three. The reports of rebel activity on Canto Bight had scared off one of their most prolific suppliers, leaving a potential shortage of plasma weapons. But that still did not settle his mind. There was something else.  
Four. Hux felt the lift slow and stop.  
Four. The doors opened. Hux strode out.  
Four. Snoke’s head turned from his Oculus and his sneer landed on Hux.  
Four—

“General!” Snoke strode forwards and Hux found himself flat on the polished obsidian floor with a sharp pain between his eyes and a trickle of blood trailing from his nose. He pushed himself up onto his hands and raised his head. Four—  
“Supreme Lead—“  
“You said he was alive. I ordered you to bring him to me. Where is Kylo Ren?”


	2. Herbs

“General?” Kylo turned, sensing movement behind him. Armitage’s face appeared at the door, twisted into a grimace.  
“What the kriff do you think you are doing?”  
Kylo frowned. Wasn’t it obvious? Hux’s tone made his question sound like an order. Kylo sensed “get out” as its meaning.  
“I’m cooking,” he said, turning back to the sizzling pan. “Dinner. I said I wanted to have dinner with you. Remember?”  
Armitage clenched his fists and pushed down the desire to lift the nearest heavy object, hurl it at Kylo and walk away. 

It was the aromatic scent of rosemary mixed with the warmth of smoked garlic that always brought Hux here. Another kitchen in another dwelling on another planet in another time. It flooded his memory. A slender woman, hair as flame-coloured and cropped as his own, stood with her back to him, basting a chunk of meat roasting in herbs. She smiled over her shoulder at him from time to time.  
“C’mon, Armie, eat your dinner.”  
“Don’t want it.”  
“You got to!” A smile. “Grow big and strong like your father.”  
“It’s nasty. He’s nasty.”  
“Don’t be disrespectful. Good thing he’s not here to hear that! Box your ears, he would, and then mine for bringing you up wrong. He provides for us. It’s good soup. I made it. Eat up.”  
“Can I have what you’re making for him? Smells nice.”  
She’d laughed. “Oh sweetheart, no. You’re not allowed and neither am I. Eat your soup. You can have bread too, if you want.”

Hux remembered that he’d eaten but he’d cried until mam had sat with him and dipped his bread in some of the juices from the roast pan. The memory stung his eyes and he wondered how Kylo knew.

“Knew what?” asked Kylo. “Armitage?”  
“Nothing,” said Hux.”Never mind. What are you making?”


	3. Celebration

The room droned with the chatter of invited guests, carefully selected and carefully placed at tables so that deals could be struck and friction avoided at least until after the joganberry roulade. As the last of the service droids trundled aside, Hux put down his dessert fork and stood up. He tapped his Arkanis seawine glass with a caf spoon until all mouths fell silent and all eyes rested on him.

“Honoured guests,” he said, voice carrying as if he was addressing his legions. “Thank you for attending this ceremony and celebration of the dawning of a new era for the First Order. The Supreme Leader and I...” Hux paused his oration for a meaningful look at Kylo Ren, resplendent beside him in black and ruby, a counterpoint to his own white and gold, “...appreciate your continued commitment to our mission of enforcing peace upon the galaxy.”

A ripple of applause swept the hall and Hux basked in it.

“Perhaps it seems strange to some of you that Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and myself would enter into such a formal arrangement. But I assure you that our reasons were not, as the cynics amongst you have whispered, entirely political. No indeed. The simple truth is that, without the malign and disordered influence of the previous incumbent, Kylo Ren and I realised that we should remain close. We complement one another perfectly.” Hux paused for a sip of wine. Several guests copied his action. When Hux scanned the crowd again, he was beaming. “In short,” he crowed, “we fell in love!”

Hux recounted a story of grudging respect growing into admiration, comradely feelings developing into friendship and then deepening into true love, mutual confessions of adoration and vows to support one another until the end of time. By the end of it, Kylo Ren had tuned out lest he vomit. But the assembled politicians, arms dealers, financiers and easily flattered rich people lapped it up. Ren could feel their emotions weaving into the story Hux told, adding their own interpretations and embellishments. It made him want to send out a wave in the force that would crush every life in the room.

Hux smiled for the holofeed and sat down. Ren leaned close, his words coming out through the fake smile he’d practised until Hux had said it would do.  
“I proposed to you at a lakeside retreat when the heathflowers were blooming on the mountainsides and kitigulls cried for joy? Really? That’s not how I remember it.”  
“No,” replied Hux through a matching smile. “But telling them you summoned me to your private chambers to say _we should get married in public to boost morale and get extra credits out of our supporters’ pockets_ isn’t going to get us any more TIE fighters, is it?”


	4. Hangover

Hux woke up and wished he hadn’t.

His head felt like Starkiller itself had imploded within his skull and his tongue, somehow converted to sandpaper, felt a size too big for his mouth. When he sat up his head spun and when he lay down again his stomach spasmed and he retched. 

Somewhere in the room, someone gave a quiet laugh.  
“Oh it lives,” said Kylo Ren.  
“No it karking does not,” argued Hux. “This isn’t living. This is barely clinging to existence.”   
“Look beside you,” said Ren. “There’s water and something for the hangover. Do you want me to call a medidroid?”  
“No,” Hux struggled to sit, eyes closed and hand over his mouth. “I do not want this on my medical record. Why are you...” Hux waved his hand. “Why are you not...”  
“I wasn’t drinking,” said Ren. “Take the medication. Drink the water. Sleep it off.”  
“You were!” insisted Hux, reaching for the water and taking a sip. He groaned as cold water reached his stomach. “I saw you. You had a glass in your hand all evening.”  
“The same one all evening,” said Ren. “Did you see me drink from it?”  
“Ugh don’t be such a kriffing smartarse,” said Hux. “You’re my husband now. I’m sure there’s a law against being an ass to your chosen life partner, even if it’s all for show.”  
“I brought you water and something for your stomach,” said Ren. “I am being nice.”  
Hux opened his eyes again and looked blearily at Ren. “Thank you,” he said. “Now kindly piss off.”  
Ren got up and smiled at Hux. “Very well,” he said. “Comm me when you remember.”

It took four hours. Hux slept for the first two, aided by whatever medication Ren had given him. After that, a service droid appeared with food that, according to the note in Ren’s decorative handwriting, would ‘put a lining on your stomach’. Hux ate slowly and felt better with each bite of the greasy dish. During the fourth hour, memories from their wedding banquet slotted into place.

His speech had been a triumph. Hux had been assured of political support and increased funding from guests flattered to think themselves part of the inner circle of the First Order ruling couple’s friends. Hux was relieved that he had not disgraced himself with a show of drunkenness at the party. In fact, he had made sure that could not happen by instructing the service droids for the top table to serve him only one glass of Arkanis icewine. 

Afterwards, Hux remembered that he and Kylo had retired, as expected, to their chamber for the night. There had been a bottle of Hux’s favourite sparkling wine in a cooler and Kylo had said it would be a shame to waste it. The most reluctant gaps in Hux’s memories started around then and were gradually patched with only partial flashes of lucidness. After a memory-revelation that almost made Hux drop his tarine tea, Hux commed Kylo. Kylo arrived a few minutes later.

“Kylo, I am so sorry for the way I behaved last night,” said Hux as soon as Kylo arrived. “It was out of character for me, I hope you understand, and it will never happen again. this arrangement between us is... is...”  
Kylo sighed. “I should have expected this,” he said. “I—“  
“Expected? You expected me to get drunk and... and... spout soft-headed nonsense?”  
“No,” said Kylo. “I should have expected that you would want to take it all back.”  
Hux frowned at Kylo’s downcast expression. “I drank an entire bottle of wine and told you... told you I.... said... well then, you know what I said.”  
“Yes,” said Kylo, softly. “And I was happy to hear it. If it’s true.” He offered Hux a brief smile. “I’ll wait to see if you come to feel the same sober before I believe it.”   
Hux stared. Kylo turned to go but paused before he reached the door. He turned, a slight frown creasing his features.  
“In case you wanted to know,” he said, “I love you too.”


	5. Versions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ======  
> Disclaimer: I have read Dune and its sequels, but a very long time ago! SO this won’t be very Dune-y  
> ======

The first time he ever laid eyes on Armitage Hux, Ren saw the upright, confident general who marched easily through the decks of The Finalizer and looked him in the eye as if they were equals. Under the bravado, hidden, yet obvious if you only knew how to see, was a boy formed from the desire to please a father who did not deserve his admiration and a mother who had no time for him. At that moment Kylo felt that he and Hux were forged in the same furnace, yet what stoked his fire grew ice in Hux. Over the next few weeks, the visions showed Ren a boy left to get on with the business of survival: a boy who watched and waited and emulated and eventually surpassed those who sought to hold him back. An early vision, maybe a week into their acquaintance, showed Ren a version of Hux who feigned sorrow when informed of his father’s death from illness. Ren thought he trusted better the vision of a Hux who’d thrust his monomolecular blade into his father’s heart and twisted it with his own hand. 

Nowadays Ren can almost always tune the visions out and recall them to analyse later. Today is different though. Hux is in front of him, in profile, standing at parade rest on the observation walkway of The Finalizer, overlooking his precious Starkiller Base. Somehow, Hux is also standing at the mouth of a cave on a planet that has a white crust flecked with red. Ren can’t tell what the red is. Ren’s looking down at his hands and Hux is looking down at him. Is he on his knees? Ren senses that he is. In the vision, Hux raises his blaster and fires.

The vision shifts. Ren is foetal on the floor in a room that flickers with fire and stinks of death. Hux stands nearby, looking around with his mouth open, then Hux shifts his attention to Ren, still unconscious on the floor. Hux raises his blaster and fires. 

It shifts again and Ren wonders if he will pass out from the vertigo. He closes his eyes but of course that is no help. Now he sees Hux, a little grey at his temples, sitting on a smooth, black stone throne. Hux sneers and orders him to kneel and he does so. Hux stands, raises his blaster, and fires.

Ren leaves the bridge and retreats to his private chambers. He knows Hux will follow but this time the thought does not fill him with the usual joyful anticipation of an argument, a capitulation and a hurried, conciliatory fuck. He realises he fears Hux today and he locks his door. Hux overrides it and comes in anyway.

“What was all that about? On the bridge? You were staring, and muttering something that sounded like ‘don’t shoot’.”  
Ren eyes Hux nervously. “Take off your blaster,” he says, ready to deflect a bolt with the force. Hux shrugs and slips his blaster from its clip. He places it on the floor.  
“Better?”  
“Yes. Put your blade down too and step away from them.”  
“Kriff, Kylo, I had no idea anything could spook you like this!” Hux shakes his arm and the blade drops from its sheath into his hand. He deposits his blade beside his blaster and takes three steps away. “You’ve nothing to fear from me. If I wanted you out of the way... well then. There have been plenty of opportunities that I have not taken. Should I be concerned about you?”

Hux walks closer. He stops just within reach. Kylo is overcome: the force shows him the Hux he has been used to thinking of as his. He’s on his knees in a cave and Hux clears the area of stormtroopers so that he can lift Ren up roughly himself and tell him to get on with his job. Then he’s unconscious on the floor of the blood-spattered chamber and Hux rushes to his side, checks he is alive, pulls him to his feet and tells him to go after the enemy. Ren stumbles as the vision swims out of focus and reappears. This time, Hux sits on a throne but shifts aside and pats the space he has made.

Ren sighs. He puts his arm out and steadies himself on Hux’s shoulder.  
“I had visions,” he says. “The Force showed me how differently things could have been for us.”  
“Better than reality?” asks Hux, smiling and leading Ren over to the sofa.  
“No,” Ren shakes his head. “Just different. I’ll be fine. Will you stay?”  
“Of course,” replies Hux. “We need to plan a state funeral for Leader Snoke anyway. Are you sorry I shot him for you?”


	6. Handsome

“Kylo Ren!”  
A voice, once filled with passion, croaks and wheezes. Its owner smiles. “Still handsome, I see. Good thing I have a liking for scars. Come here.” 

Ben walks over and returns the smile, looking down at Hux with tired warmth. “Hello, general,” he says. “I am pleased that you remember me.”  
“Oh come now.” Hux scoffs. “Forget you? Impossible.”  
Ben sits, choosing the chair opposite. Hux’s nurse brings tea: tarine, extra strong, as always. Ben picks up the flask.  
“Tea?”  
“At last! Thought you’d never ask.”

Ben leans forward and lifts the flask to Hux’s lips. Hux takes a sip, coughs, and takes another. Hux closes his eyes and Ben blinks rapidly. At least he has been forgiven. Now, after so many years, Armitage is happy to see him, takes pleasure from his company, talks a little of the old days if Ben will only help fill in the gaps. It wasn’t always this way. Ben pushes away an unwanted memory of Armitage Hux, beaten and helpless in binders, cursing the name Kylo Ren as a traitor. He makes his smile brighter and holds the flask to Hux’s lips again.

“So how are you feeling today, Armitage? What have you been doing? Are the nurses being kind to you?”  
Hux tuts. “This is a poor excuse for a military organisation. The uniforms are terrible and there is a distinct lack of routine. Phasma should...“  
There’s a gap, a moment extended in time, as Hux remembers that Phasma is long dead.  
“Well,” says Ben. “Should I ask the nurses for more tea?”  
“Please,” says Hux with a smile. He closes his eyes. “ And I would like you to kiss me.”  
Ben laughs. He leans forwards and kisses Hux on the forehead, the cheek and finally his lips. He stands.  
“I’ll find your matron. Won’t be a minute.”

Tea ordered, words exchanged with the matron, Ben returns to Hux’s corner of the day-room. Hux looks up and grins.  
“Kylo Ren! Still handsome, I see. Good thing I have a liking for scars. Come here and kiss me.”


End file.
